real estate agent language
May 31st 2007 11:50
i have been recently looking for our next potential place and was quickly reminded of the 'secret' way of reading the rental lists. it is almost as they are written in a cryptic way so as everyone can have a laugh at either how bad the place is or how exorbitant the price the owner is attempting to charge for it. here is a list of a few of my favourite adjectives/phrases:
cute - tiny as. usually wedged between two apartment blocks that house up to 500 people in each.
warm - similar to cute but probably with a little more mould in the bathroom.
cosy - just like a prison cell but sometimes minus the bars.
close to transport - a railway line runs past your bedroom window which happens to be the main route for cargo trains at two o'clock in the morning.
leafy back yard - no one has bothered to clean up the weeds or mow the lawn for at least several years. good luck finding the clothes lines.
what a charmer! - hasn't been renovated or touched for about six changes of the title. each previous owner bought it with the intention of doing it up, but when they started, they realised that it would be cheaper to knock it down and start again, rather than waste money renovating it.
look at the rent! - that way you don't notice what a shit hole it really is.
city views - with a telescope, you can see the tops of the eureka building on a really, really clear day.
student's delight - we all know what student's will put up with.
i think i would be more likely to rent from an agent that said 'yeah look. it's pretty shitty, there is a crack in the toilet bowl and a big ass red wine stain on the carpet in the living room, you can't see the city and it stinks on every thursday morning, but it is only 250 a week and about 10 minutes from the city.' in fact i would probably buy a place from an estate agent that was that real.
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